the reset button

one of the hurdles to leap while persisting is the inevitability that i will fuck up.

the last couple of weeks i’ve been pretty chronically unfortunate. car troubles. work troubles. life troubles. today, at tryouts, i didn’t do great. a few things went wrong, and i let that take me over. i got depressed, and performed as such.

when i fail in rapid succession – mistakes, bad luck, whatever – #persist does not seem like a great idea. giving up seems like a good idea. why keep on working hard if bad things keep happening? #persist gets me over my daily hurdles, but it’s vulnerable to a loss of faith in The Plan.

there’s a few things, though, that help me keep at it, keep strong. i have meditated on my fuck up, and i am stronger for tomorrow.

validation. pats on the head. the honest support of others. a reality check on my plan.
direction. feedback. course adjustment. ways to avoid kicking at the darkness.
meditation. peaceful reflection. honest self-assessment. pushing the reset button.

my tryout was wretched. i spent all day beating myself up about it. first i got some validation – there were things i did well. i got some direction – ways to do better next time. i still felt lousy. then i went skating and just reflected on my morning. i realized that i am not accustomed to wanting something so badly and caving under pressure. i am usually clear headed and calm, and today i was anxious and stressed.

today was the last day of my bad luck. i am calm and mindful. when i am strong, i will persist. when i am weak, i will seek validation, request direction, and meditate on my failures. then i will push the reset button and start tomorrow fresh with a chance to redeem myself.